samedi 18 février 2012

I really am sorry, Billy................

Setting the scene........

I rustle up the red carpet in a long tafetta dress (wearing magic "hold it all in knickers" underneath) and I am blinded by the flashlights of the paparazzi ( who have mistaken me for one of "the before" pictures at a weightwatchers conference); eventually,  I take the stage.

I would like to thank Carrad of the wonderful blog  'FADED REVERIE'   for awarding me the "Versatile Blogger" Award and, in line with that, I shall tell you the required 7 things about myself that you do not know ( or I hope you didn't know until now!!)

1. As a child ( in the 60s) there was an old air raid shelter in the garden made with corrugated iron and held together with bolts. My brother, Alan, used to sit me on top and I used to spend hours sliding down off the roof - great fun! One day I tried to slide off after Alan had gone home - but, to my dismay, I stopped almost as soon as I had begun to slide; the elastic of my knickers had got caught on one of the bolts. I hung there for what seemed like a lifetime as I was too small to hoist myself back up. Eventually my mother came looking for me - and saved me. Hence my aversion to wearing knickers - and I have very rarely worn them since!

2. This really links to the last item - again concerning knickers. When I was 18 years of age I caught the 8.15 bus into work every morning. I was very much into 'fifties' clothing at the time and was wearing a dress with a very full skirt. I always went and sat upstairs on the bus and on arriving near my stop one morning I began to make my way down the stairs. Unfortunately, the driver had opened the folding doors earlier than normal - and it just happened to be quite a windy day. As I reached the bottom of the stairs the wind caught my dress - and it blew right up over my head. The man coming down the stairs behind me wasn't watching what he was doing and promptly trod on my dress which was at my shoulder level, trapping it under his foot and covering my face. For what seemed like a lifetime I stood in full view of all those people who had chosen to sit downsatirs - obviously the "ringside seats" for this early morning spectacle!! I can tell you that I spent the rest of my office career walking to work, whatever the weather!!

3. I told everyone here today that I was going outside in the garden to "motograph my fannekin"!!  Worryingly. they all said 'okay' like I had said nothing wrong and were used to me mixing my worms up all the time!

4. I very rarely drink alcohol. When I do, it only takes two glasses of wine to tell my brain that I can do a very good Shirley Bassey impression if there is a feather boa to hand;  and I have also been known to attempt to do the odd Michael Flatley Riverdance steps after a few glasses too.

5. I am not proud of this one. When I was two I inherited my brothers old red tin pedal car. I apparently used "Billy" the family pet tortoise as a ramp - and he did not fare too well after that - becoming an ex-tortoise. I have heard that, after death, you always come back as something you have mis-treated in your lifetime - so I know that in my next life I will have a shell and a wrinkly neck ( It seems I've already starting getting one of those already - where's the anti-wrinkle cream?)

6.I have always seen, or try to see, the funny side of everything - and I know that I sometimes laugh when I shouldn`t. I can remember my Grandma being so frustrated with me laughing that she shouted " YOU ,young lady,would laugh if your head caught fire!!" Needless to say I found this hysterical and, to my utter disgust, I was sent to my bedroom.

7. I was one month late going into labour with Frou Frou and was eventually called in to be induced. Honestly, I felt no pain whatsoever, it was over in 2 hours and I never felt a thing. I did apparently get through 2 bottles of gas and air which was divine and probably had something to do with it!  If I could buy it at the supermarche I would have some linked up to my desk!

I was so "out of it" I never even asked if I had given birth to a boy or girl but simply asked " Is that it? Have I done it?".

I had one of those special maternity nightgowns with slits in the front for breastfeeding and I can vaguely remember my father-in-law being first into the visiting room just after the birth when I had it all my bits on display - and didn't give a figgy pudding! Not sure whether he ever recovered though!

and so...... finally.......

7.5 ( 7.5 because I got the numbering wrong further up when I check-read through!!) I once went to a brocante with a friend and we decided as we entered that we would split up; one of us would go off to the right and the other would head left, arranging to meet at the far end of the shop and discover who had found the best item. I saw a full-size stuffed stag  with enormous antlers and decided, for a joke, that I would pick it up and reveal it to my friend  saying " I have chosen..............I have chosen". Unfortunately I only realised after starting to lift it up, that its legs were filled with wood - and I simply couldn`t hold the weight. I toppled backwards and my friend turned to see what the commotion as - her eyes resting on me lying on my back and pinned to the floor by a huge stag! She laughed so much that she couldn't offer any help to me at all; instead she simply collapsed on a sofa in fits of screaming laughter leaving me pinned on the floor - and that was how the  shop owner found us. Like the bus, I never went back!

So thats a little of me....nothing out of the ordinary.  I suppose I could have told you about "wobbly nun" but I may be struck down by time perhaps?

 Now who to pass this award to? Who do I want to know 7 facts about? Brace yourselves mes belles!!

6 commentaires:

  1. I've just discovered your blog via carrad and thought I'd stop by and say hello :) x

  2. I am Screaming here!!!!! I'm going to have to change my "knickers"!!I just popped over to ask you if the scaffolding was still up on the Santa Maria Della salute, and instead I get treated to what I hope will be the first chapter--no, the introduction--to your hilarious Book-That-I Hope-You-Write!! Shirley, you are a HooT!!! And I'm sure you do a mean Shirley Bassey!
    Just mentioned you in my post on French at Heart...

  3. shirley you are priceless!!! always make me laugh..the stag, the knickers. the grandma...brilliant!!

  4. What fabulous facts! I have a silly grin on my face now! xxx

  5. You and Frou Frou have me crying with laughter.
    Oh thank you - I sure needed a good laugh.

    I had a similar bus/skirt story, good Lord, I had no other way to get to work...oh well.